Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
