You're my little dorito
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
