I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
