dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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