The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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