I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
