My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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