dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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