Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
