Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
