Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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