i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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