i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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