im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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