this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
