it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
sarcasm needs its own font
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
