why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
