Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
