It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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