apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
