no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
