Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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