Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
