he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
