How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
