so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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