Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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