remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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