I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
