my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
