Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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