yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
