I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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