FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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