I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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