At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
