so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
