I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
