Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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