Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I woke up under a house in Key West
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
