and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
