nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
