Cold hands, warm shart.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You have to summon your inner elephant
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
