I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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