He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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