end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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