It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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