Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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