I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
two words: eviction party
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
