Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
