I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
